You know, in my past I've done some really shitty things to people I love. And it's all stemmed out of me not being able to talk to them about how I was feeling. And as a result I trash talked, or cut off people that I truly cared about and loved. Thankfully, those people are still in my life today, and out of humility I am truly sorry for how I behaved, and vow to never act that way again.
If I have a problem with someone, I'm going to be straight up and tell you exactly how I feel. I've been living my life this way for over a year now and it's been scary but also refreshing. It's good to know that your feelings are all out there on the table for people to do as they may. However, one thing I've yet to conquer is how to tell someone, ENOUGH, when they take those feelings and abuse them.
I have been nothing but upfront and honest with Cory. I've told him exactly how I feel about what he did, and how I feel about him on a personal level and yet, he still continues to ignore me and hide how he feels. He might not be attracted to me at all, and seriously only want to be friends, but why he can't tell me that, is beyond me. Why would I have a problem with that? I, of course, think it's because he does have some feelings for me that he cannot deal with for whatever reason, and feels like maybe I'll give him attention if he pulls away, making it look like he's not intersted, and I am.
However, seeing that he won't tell me what's up, I told him to f off. But in a nicer way. I texted him a couple of days ago and asked him if he was still trying to teach me a lesson becuase I figured he would have called by now, and to let me know. Since I didn't get a response for over a day I followed up with, "So I guess I got my answer by your lack of response that yes, you are still ignoring me. And that's fine, just don't ever call, text, or message me again. Thanks, Have a great life!"
And so that, my friends, is the end to that. I thought I would be more upest over the fact that I won't be speaking with him again, but I'm not. In fact I feel relieved that I don't have to wonder if he'll call or text me each day. Or that everytime I get a text message that maybe it's him. It was driving me insane.
And so I realized that as I move back to Orlando, and get a job and eventually move out with Amy to a place of our own, that for me to suceed in life, I have to learn how to say no more. I almost always put other peoples feelings before mine. I never argue on where to go, or what to do, as long as everyone I'm will is happy then I'll deal with it. But no one ever said that you had to be a push over to be a nice person. I can care about what people want, and also look out for myself at the same time.
Theres such a fine line between standing up for yourself and being selfish and it's been so hard for me to define that line, but from now on I'm going to try my best to figure out where that line is and keep a little bit closer to it from now on. Because I deserve it.