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Valentines Day [14 Feb 2010|12:39am]
Hey everyone, look at me I'm actually posting a blog! I've been having the most TRYING two months but I'm hoping things are going to be better from here on out.

I won't go into all the crap that's been happening to me except to say that even my mom noticed and said, "Lindsey, you are under attack right now and I don't know why. Just keep praying and you'll get through it."

Well I forgot to pray and things just keep coming at me. Last Saturday Mike woke up feeling aweful as he had been feeling terrible for the past two weeks,chills, a cough, and just all around feeling bad, and started throwing up. He threw up for about 30 min straight green bile and blood so I said Thats It, we're going to the hospital. Turns out he had a fungal based phneumonia but they thought it could be TB or something really serious so they had in in an isolation room, everyone had to wear masks when they came in, and he was there for 6 days. My life consisted of being by his side the entire weekend, then going to work and going straight to the hospital, leaving around 11pm and going to bed, to do it all over again. Thank GOD my dad was available to pick him up when they finally let him out on Thursday.

Meanwhile while all of this was going on I was supposed to be getting our house ready for Mikes son Aiden. Nikki, his wife, finally came back to town (oh and get this she's having a second baby with the guy she cheated with mike on, NEXT MONTH!) Yeah so it's been fun but the great thing is that Mike gets to see his son again. And Nikki is making this big deal about how Aiden doesn't know mike anymore and she doesn't want to leave him with us until she feels Aiden is comfortable which is crap because she left her 16 mo old with her mom who hasn't seen him in over 6 months. Plus Aiden is so comfortable with Mike and his family.

Anyway, we got new carpet in the Aiden/Office room and I got all the office stuff put back in this week and then today my dad came by and put together the bunk bed I bought last year for Amy and I, and then a little desk for him. The room looks awesome and I cannot wait for Aiden to see it tomorrow.

I'm getting along well with Nikki right now which is good. She likes me but I've picked up she really hates Mike's mom so she doesnt want the grandma to be around. Of course once Mike finally files for divorce which is just around the corner, i'm sure we'll have aiden every other weekend and she cant do anything to keep the grandparents away if we bring him over.

Mike is feeling better but still Very Sick! He's on super strong antibotics and he gets winded really easily.

I am hanging on by a thread these days. I'm totally head over heals in love with Mike, but the combination of Mike's Dramas, work stress, and major money woes, I think I might just totally lose it and have to be put away.

The one thing that has been making me sad lately is that my Susie hasn't kept in touch with me for so long. I honestly think we've had one conversation sine I started dating Mike 11 months ago. She texted me around the New Year saying she would call becuase she was out of school til the 4th of January, but no call. I called her on her b=day to wish her happy birthday and got voicemail. Called around christmas and vm. I know she is SO busy with everything with school and life, but so am I. I'm busy every single day but I have time to stop for 30 minutes to speak with her but she can't seem to find the time. And I know she reads this so Sue I'm not trying to attack you or make you feel bad, I just feel like I'm losing you. You don't even know anything about me and Mike's relationship. I listened for hours when you and Wes were falling in love. So it just stinks. I miss you and wish you were more a part of my life now. I hope you're doing well though and I hope Wes is still making you happy.

Mike did very very well this Valentines Day. We were supposed to go to Red Lobster today but we had too much to do, so we're going next weekend. However, Friday I got the most beautiful glass vase of roses and carnations. The vase is glass with red all the way up but the bottom is clear so it just sparkles so beautifully. Everyone at work was so jealous. The card said, "I love you so much baby. THank you for being the dream that came true. Love, Mike"

Can we all say AWWWWWW. He's just SO the best. He's become by best friend and I just adore him so much. We laugh a lot and just are so comfortable with each other.

Carly, I was reading some of your entires. It looks like I need to give you a phone call to see what exactly is going on with this dude of yours. I hope you're not getting snowed in. But OH MY GOSH thank GOD someone finally sees that you are such a great teacher. That made me so happy to read. You deserve credit for being such a positive force in your students lives. THe exact thing a teacher should be. Someone to inspire them to be and do something great with their lives!

Jessica, thank you for the fun Hollywood Studio's trip. I still think about it and it was just so fun spending some time with you. WE need to do something together again really soon.

Love you all, Penna Lou, Sue, Car, and Jessica! Happy Valentines day to 4 AMAZING women! I just adore you all!!!!!!
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busy [15 Feb 2009|10:02pm]
I've been so busy lately but everything is good. I will update with something meaningful soon!
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Way overdue, I'm sure. [27 Dec 2008|11:26pm]
So, I'm officially an Orlandoian...if that's even a word...again. And it's great. I sort of feel like I"m just visiting still because I don't have my stuff unpacked and all that jazz, but things are coming along just fine.

I worked my ass off before I left Fernandina and everyone was sad to see me go which makes a girl feel really good seeing as I was only there for 5 months. I'm going to miss a lot of people there, but not to the extent that I wouldn't want to leave. I said goodbye to Scott and Jackie and didn't feel regret or fear at all. I remember moving there. I was excited and happy but also nervous and scared. Coming home feels just like the most peacefully non scary thing that I've ever done. Mom and Dad are both happy I'm back and so is Amy.

Christmas day I moved. My aunt and uncle came up from Ft. Lauderdale and when I got there we opened gifts. I didn't even know I was getting gifts. This year everyone in the family is beyond broke so my mom thought it would be fun for us to do secret santa, and have a 10 dollar limit on the gift, just to do something funny or small to make it feel like christmas without everyone going broke. I ended up getting a purse from Scott that was originally 58 dollars that was marked down, so I felt like I had gotten a pretty awesome gift. And we did our family Christmas last weekend. But since the Fleur and Bobby were coming in, I guess my mom decided to get me and Amy stocking stuffers and my aunt and uncle got me and Amy really nice gifts. I got socks, hair ties, and a shaving kit (razor, refill, body wash, and shaving gel) from my mom, and this super nice makeup box with este lauder makeup in it from the uncle. I love makeup but I don't spend a lot of money on it, so it was nice to have something nice.

We had the traditional dinner, but it was much lighter than usual, with more veggies and less carbs, since my uncle just had 3 stints put in his heart last week. The next day we all went to Longhorn Steak House with my grandpa and it was delicious, then back home to watch Across The Universe with the fam. My Uncle is a die hard Beatles fan. It's like my love for Hanson times 1000. I've seen the movie once and thought it was amazing, so I was excited to see it again, however I wanted to laugh when my uncle teared up for every song, and even cry cried at some parts. Like, dude...you've seen it 7 times already. Geez!

Anyway, they left today around 2pm. Amy and I have furniture in our room now which prevents me from getting a bed, so I was thinking bunk beds. I found one online today on craigslist and went and bought it and brought it home. It's yet to be assembled, but it's going to be nice to not share a bed with Amy every night. I'm not much of a bed sharer.

I don't have a job yet, but I have a few weeks to find something since I'll bet getting two more checks from Domino's so keep your fingers crossed guys that I find an office job somewhere, because if I don't find something within the next 2 or 3 weeks I'll have to go back to the Domino's here to work until I find something and I really truly do not want to do that.

I have so much more to say but I'm tired and I feel like I'm writing all choppy right now anyway.

I hope everyones Christmas was at least eventful. Mine was pretty pleasent. I'm always suprised when I get gifts because there are things I just don't buy for myself and it's nice to have a treat every now and then.
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The Holiday [03 Dec 2008|09:47am]
There is so much I could write about Thanksgiving, who I was pissed at, what was good, but I'm not. Because I just don't have the energy.

I will tell you about other things though. Okay, so first, we celebrated our "family" thanksgiving on the Sunday before due to that being the only time Scott has his boys and the fact he had to work on Thanksgiving day. So for the long weekend, I drove down to Orlando and hung with the parents and Amy. Mom made lasagna on the actual day o' Thanks, and it was DELICIOUS! Then we went and saw two movies.

IT was mom's idea to pay for one, then sneak into a second. I love her! I love how we've corrupted such a sweet nice honest woman to live on the edge a little. It's great. So we went and saw 4 Christmases, which was SO SO Funny. Vince Vaughn...hysterical. Reese Witherspoon...adorable. And then we snuck into Twilight. Now, everyone has been making this huge ass deal over the movie and the books, and I was afraid I would somehow get addicted and even though I've been wanting to find a series of books that entralled me the same way as Harry Potter, I just didn't feel like getting into this whole Vampire thing. But after seeing previews of the movie I figured it probably wasn't that graet and I'd be fine.

WRONG. The movie was incredible. Like, not even half way through the movie, I leaned over to my sister and was like, "OH MY GOD, I love this movie!" Just the most grabbing love story I've seen in a long time. I just love it. LOVE IT!

So, I want to see it again, and I also want to read the books. It makes me excited.

Friday the family went to Longhorn for dinner which was nice, and it was just a very nice chill day.

Saturday we went to Orange City to see my grandpa and have lunch with him to celebrate the holiday. The food was nasty and he, as usual, was bent on giving me and Amy a hard time about how we live our lives. Amy, who just like 3 wks ago, graduated from massage therapy school and is waiting for her licence to come in the mail so she can get a job, doesn't have a job right now. But will soon and will be making good money. But the fact she doesnt' have a job right now is reason to bring it up and ask her why she's being lazy. Nice.

Then myself, the almost 30 year old who as he puts it, "still doesn't know what she wants to do with her life." WE make him so proud! I don't give two shits at this point what he thinks. He's been that way my whole life, and I've learned to realize that he loves us, but that's just how he is. And he's not going to change now that he's 88 years old.

That night I really wanted to go out downtown becuase I haven't partied since my birthday really and I was kinda itching to get a little drunk. Well, a little drunk turned into TRASHED. I know that when I don't have to drive, and I get super excited about going out, that it ends up being me going overboard, but it was still a really fun night.

I wore heals which I never wear, and I danced for over an hour in them, perfectly fine. I never dance! It was great!!!! Then as we left the one club, I saw J.C. Chasez or however you spell his name, from the group Nysnc. I do not like that group in any way, but I thought, hey, a famous person. Plus I was drunk and my friend joanna loves them, so we got a picture with him. We thought we were the shit after that! LOL.

The last place we went I spilled water all over myself and broke my purse, and sat on a couch screaming, "Hey green shirt" to this guy wearing a green shirt that I wanted to say how cute he was too. But he never gave me any attention. OH well, I was a fool by that point.

The next day I had a horrendious hangover, and my dad not knowning, made me go wash my car with him. It was horrible. Washing a car with a hangover. Gross.

But now I'm back home...at my home for the next 3 weeks, cause then it's back to ORLANDO for me. I'm so happy even though I'm going to miss having my own room and own bed.

Me and amy have to share a room, and until we get a second bed, I have to share Amy's. Not fun. But it's free, so I cannot complain.

Well, nothing new on the guy front. Always in search though.
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Goodbye Friend [14 Nov 2008|09:14am]
So Cory and I are no longer friends. I'm not sure if that was his plan, or if I shut him down, but either way I don't deserve being treated like this.

You know, in my past I've done some really shitty things to people I love. And it's all stemmed out of me not being able to talk to them about how I was feeling. And as a result I trash talked, or cut off people that I truly cared about and loved. Thankfully, those people are still in my life today, and out of humility I am truly sorry for how I behaved, and vow to never act that way again.

If I have a problem with someone, I'm going to be straight up and tell you exactly how I feel. I've been living my life this way for over a year now and it's been scary but also refreshing. It's good to know that your feelings are all out there on the table for people to do as they may. However, one thing I've yet to conquer is how to tell someone, ENOUGH, when they take those feelings and abuse them.

I have been nothing but upfront and honest with Cory. I've told him exactly how I feel about what he did, and how I feel about him on a personal level and yet, he still continues to ignore me and hide how he feels. He might not be attracted to me at all, and seriously only want to be friends, but why he can't tell me that, is beyond me. Why would I have a problem with that? I, of course, think it's because he does have some feelings for me that he cannot deal with for whatever reason, and feels like maybe I'll give him attention if he pulls away, making it look like he's not intersted, and I am.

However, seeing that he won't tell me what's up, I told him to f off. But in a nicer way. I texted him a couple of days ago and asked him if he was still trying to teach me a lesson becuase I figured he would have called by now, and to let me know. Since I didn't get a response for over a day I followed up with, "So I guess I got my answer by your lack of response that yes, you are still ignoring me. And that's fine, just don't ever call, text, or message me again. Thanks, Have a great life!"

And so that, my friends, is the end to that. I thought I would be more upest over the fact that I won't be speaking with him again, but I'm not. In fact I feel relieved that I don't have to wonder if he'll call or text me each day. Or that everytime I get a text message that maybe it's him. It was driving me insane.

And so I realized that as I move back to Orlando, and get a job and eventually move out with Amy to a place of our own, that for me to suceed in life, I have to learn how to say no more. I almost always put other peoples feelings before mine. I never argue on where to go, or what to do, as long as everyone I'm will is happy then I'll deal with it. But no one ever said that you had to be a push over to be a nice person. I can care about what people want, and also look out for myself at the same time.

Theres such a fine line between standing up for yourself and being selfish and it's been so hard for me to define that line, but from now on I'm going to try my best to figure out where that line is and keep a little bit closer to it from now on. Because I deserve it.
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Happy Birfday! [03 Nov 2008|08:45pm]
Jessica, I wish you the best birthday ever! Just to bring back some old school lovin...dis is for you!

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Coming to you from Shands Jax's facilty center [03 Nov 2008|07:33am]
So, I'm at the hospital this morning, early early am, so that Jackie can have surgery on her toe to remove her twin. I'm guessing they find a tooth and a peice of hair. No, seriously, Jackie has to have surgery today on her toe nearist her big toe because it's huge and swollen and hurts and they think it's a fiberous malignent tumor, but nothing is showing up on x-ray so they're doing exploratory surgery. She was the first case today so we had to be here at 6:30am. I didn't sleep well last night so I was up at 2:30 watching SNL and Best Week Ever. I can't sleep lately due to my stupid foot pain. My feet don't hurt all day but when I lay down to go to bed, it hurts SO bad. A very mild pain killer (dr prescribed, not like ibuprofin) makes the pain go away, but I don't have insurance so I don't have access to pain relief and it really sucks.

But, the cool thing is I'm over my sadness. I realized that I'm just wallowing in something I have no control over, and I've always said that if you can't do anything about it, then don't worry about it. I tell my family and friends to do that all the time, and I just forgot to tell myself. So I'm doing really good. I still get a little sad when I think about the Cory thing, but I'm over being sad about Marc, it was a brief little heartbreak that was self inflicted, but I've gotten over it about as fast as I got into it. haha.

Anyway, I miss Orlando madly. I miss it I miss it I miss it! I cannot wait to be back in Orlando with it's flashy lights and beauty. Also, this laptop is da bomb. The only thing that sucks is that I'm connected though a guest connection with the hospital and it won't let me access mypsace or facebook. What a bummer. Oh, there's actually a way to access myspace, but I forget the link. Hmmm. Maybe I can find it on google.

Anyway, hope you all are having a good Monday. I can't wait to get home and drug myself with something so I can sleep for a few hours.
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Hmm.. [06 Oct 2008|11:33am]
[ mood | excited ]

It seems I might have a little boyfriend. No details right now. But hopefully a whole full lenght story to come.

*crosses fingers*


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Sorry Carly! [30 Sep 2008|12:22am]
I was so going to post something this weekend too, but I just didn't have time. So I'm sorry you were miserably bored.

But I do have some fun crusie pictures up on my myspace if anyone wants to check zit ouat!


As for the cruise itself, it was kinda lame. I mean I had a great time. It was very relaxing and it was nice to spend some quality time with my sister, as we realized that for the most part, girls are retarded individuals who are up tight, and worthless. I won't go into detail about that, but let me just say, I'd much rather have gone on that cruise with a few of my guy friends, rather than my girlfriends I went with. (Don't get me wrong, they are lovely and sweet, but just too much bitchiness for my liking)

Nothing crazy happend. I didn't make out or hook up with ANYONE! I was suppose to have this hook-up thing with a guy I saw for a while in Orlando, but that didn't happen, and I was almost glad.

I think being back in Yulee has sucked my confidence from me. This is both good and bad. Bad because confidence is always attractive and something guys are looking for in a girl, but good because it's forcing me to see my options if I don't get my body into some kind of shape. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for a woman with some curves, but you have to be healthy, and also, the truth is, guys care about what other people think of their girlfriends. I wish I could change that, but it's just the truth 90% of the time, and I'm tired of looking for that other 10%.

I also realize there are a small select group of super hot guys who like bigger girls. That use to excite me because from my experience, getting it on with a hot guy is SOOOOO much more fun than fooling around with an average looking guy. But I've realized these few guys mostly are just really really insecure and I think they just want to be with a bigger girl to make themselves feel better about how they look. Because all the want to do is do you at your house or his, and never take you outside of their walls, so that no one ever knows they're getting it on with a biggie! So I say FUCK THAT! With a capital FUCK!. Seriously, I am not some secret or a person who you should be ashamed to love. And because I know this, and I know I cannot change the way other people think, I'm just going to have to change myself. And I'll be happier too though. Right now I'm so self concious about my body. Not around my friends or in social settings, but in romantic, intimate settings, very self concious. The idea of some guy actually seeing my entire body naked, in the light of day is just like, the most horrifying thought. And when I do finally meet at guy who realizes what I'm truly worth, I want to be able to give him everything, and I dont' think I can do that if I'm embarrassed about my body.

I've known for a while it's all about a lifestyle change. But it's been hard actually commiting too it. But I did it for 3 months before I moved here, and I'm back on track today. This weekend I filled my house with only heathly, whole foods and today I went to the gym with Jackie and did about 45 min of strength training excercises. I felt so good once I got home! I ended up showering and going to work for about 5 hours, just full of enegry. I ate perfect portions today for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and once I got home, I wanted to do more, so I went back to the gym and did 30 min of cardio.

I know with me, I always have the moments of greatness where I get totally together, mentally, and all that, and I do great for a week and then get burned out because I tried to do too much too fast. So originally when I signed up for the gym, the personal trainer told me to do 5 days of cardio, and 3 days strength training, however, I think I"m just going to start out with 3 days of each. Because I know myself. I can do 3 days and not feel overwhelmed, but 5 might make me crazy all up front.

I applied for a job at this Graphics place last week. They are looking for an office assistand and its the perfect job for me. Exactly what I'm looking for. Very laid back, locally owned, and M-F 8:30-5:30. If I get it, I still want to work at Domino's on Monday and Wed nights to make extra spending cash, and I figure, me and Jackie can go work out together Tue, Thur and Friday night after work, so I can get my 3 days in. That way I have the weekends completely off do so whatever fun activities I want with no work, or working out to have to worry about, and then, give myself one day a week (pref Sat or Sun) to have a "cheat day" where I don't have to worry about portions or where I go to eat. I think that's a very realistic lifestyle and I should be able to get into for life. And if I can somehow manage to add two more cardio days in the mix along the way, all the better! I have to remind myself, that even if I just lose 1 pound a week, in a year I'll be down 50 pounds and that's AMAZING!

Because I really need to focus on myself, I've deleted all my online dating accounts. I'm tired of this BS, and honestly, it's unfair to put myself into a relationship with someone when I don't really like my body. I want to be 100% together when I start dating someone, so that's my goal. Thats my goal for this month, this year, and the rest of my life. I seriously don't think it's that hard, but of course, it is, because if it was easy, no one would be overweight.

Any prayers or good thoughts or vibes you want to send my way are muchly appreciated.

Right now, life is pretty great. I'm broke, and I hate my body, but if you cannot find joy in every day no matter how hard life gets, then whats the point in living? And for me, living is exactly what I plan on doing!
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The Bahamas [16 Sep 2008|12:12pm]
So tomorrow early morn, I leave for Orlando, to embarke on my 4 day/3 night excursion to The Behamas aboard the Carnival Cruise Sensation! Oooh, ahhh! So fun.

Yeah, I'm as broke as a damn joke and have been working 7 days straight to try to have even a little spending money which has equated to about 200 dollars, and that includes gas money to and from Orlando to get my sorry, broke ass home. When I signed up for this cruise I had plenty of disposable income, and now I have none. So that's fun.

But in all honestly, when have I NOT been broke? So it's all good. I know how to get by on nothing, and still have a blast, and that's exactly what I'm doing this week.

I'm currently in the process of packing up my stuff, but I also have to get my eyebrows waxed (something I wouldn't do unless necessary as it will cost me 7 big ones), buy a bottle of liquor to sneak aboard the ship, and then, of course, go to work and hope to make a shiz load of cash.

I hope to take pictues and have incredible stories to share when I get back. Apparently, my friend Chelsea who's going with me, Amy, and our other two friends Meredith and Mallory, has cousins who live in the Bahamas and own a boat, so one day we get free entertainment with them, so that's awesome!

Peace peeps! Love you all!!!!
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So super pissed! [11 Sep 2008|05:52pm]
Okay, so I know some people find online dating to be weird or impractical or just not a good idea, but in the world I live in, I don't get the opportunity to meet people like maybe some others might, and I think online dating is awesome. It allows me to put myself out there exactly the way I am, so that someone can come after me. They can see what I look like and read a little bit about who I am, and after chatting can decide if I'm someone they are interested in.

And because of it I've learned that there are some guys that really do like a bigger girl whatever that says about them I'm not sure, but there are lots of really good looking guys who are interested.

However, I'm finding it really really annoying that most of these guys who are into bigger girls, just want to fuck them in some strange and crazy way and that's all.

Like, every guy I've been with this past year has only wanted sex. That's it. And the majority of them were into such weird fetish crap that totally just turned me off.

So I signed up for this website called Plenty Of Fish. My friend Andrew mentioned it so I decided to try it out, and it's been really cool, or so I thought. Like yesterday this guy from Jacksonville started talking to me on their messager system and he was so hot. Tall, good shape, really attractive. So I was thinking wow, I love this. Only been on a few days and I'm already talking to cute guys. Well this one super hot guy from NYC messaged me a few times and was really interested. I was like, WOW! Because I was thinking, "How am I getting these super hot guys." I was so shocked and excited, and then today hes on yahoo msg and starts talking to me, and wanted to know if I really thought he was good looking. Once I said yes, he jumped right into what I would do to him sexually. Like, so I'm 5'9 145lbs, are you interested. I told him I was much taller and that if he didn't have a problem with it I didn't either. Then he asks if I would eat him up? LOL, whatever. He goes on to ask what my shoe size is, and says he has a foot fetish and wants me to put my soles all over his face. ??????

Yeah. So I asked him you know, seriously, is that how you talk to someone you've just met? And he got all bent out of shape that you know I should go throw out the word "hot" if I'm goign to judge them in 2 min because then I must not think he's that hot. And I told him I wasn't judging him, I just would have liked to know his name first before jumping into sexual fantasy's. He calmed down and continued to ask shit like, if I'd ever come to NY, and that he's submissive and wants to know if we were compatible.

So I asked him if that's the only reason he was on that site, to hook up with girls, or if he was looking for a serious relationship. He then logged off. LOL.

WOW. Okay so I know I've "lol"ed a few times, but it's not even funny. I'm so fucking pissed off to think that I'm only going to be wanted for some weird guys nasty sex fetishes. Just to fuck them and be done. Becasue I never get messages from normal guys. Just old nasty men, or these hot guys who just want me to me come to their house when no one is around, and sleep with them, and pretend I don't exist outside of their bedroom.

I don't need to date an extremely hot guy. Just a one I think is cute, that has similar peronality traits that I do, and who wants to be with me in public. I don't mind that they want to have sex with me. That's a good thing, I just want them to want more than that, and it seems like all I'm getting are lame as dudes who just want to screw.

It's also really weird, because these guys seem to have major self esteem issues. Like constantly asking if I think they are hot. I never ask a guy if he thinks I'm hot. I just assume if they're talking to me that they find something about me attractive. Why would I say, I think you're cute, and then not mean it. These stupid hot guys that are uber self concious need to go get a clue!
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[07 Sep 2008|10:34pm]
So as I sit here watching Bio Dome...yes Viva los Bio Dome...I figured this was the best time to sit down at the ol' laptop and tell the story of what has to be the most incredible pizza delivery experience not only I, but all delivery people, have experienced in the history of pizza delivery.

*side note: This movie has to be about the most retarded film ever but damnit, it's hysterical!*

Okay so it was a few days ago and I had a delivery to the Lofton Creek Campgrounds. This place is nasty. It's not a trailer (mobile home) park. It's a place of crappy, rundown, trashy trailers that you hook up to the back of a truck. So anyway, I go this place and find what I think is the right lot, so I knock. I hear a guy inside say, "Come in!" This is a no no in the delivery world. You never know who's inside and what they really want to do to you, so I knocked again. Again I hear, "Come in!!!" But he adds to the whole thing by knocking on the window. SO I figure, "Fine, I'll open the door and just peak my head in...no harm done." So I attempt to open the door, and it's locked.

I then hear bustling around inside while the man unlocks the door, but doesn't open it. So I open the door, and what I saw next was just too much to handle. Before me is a massively obese man, wearing nothing but a large t-shirt. Yes people. He was pantsless! He had no bottoms on, not even underware. What I saw was a massive thigh, cankle legs and a huge ass butt cheek and crack. He was half way hunched over holding himself up with his arms while he walked back to his table. I, of course, trying not to pass out from shock, kindly took a few steps back and looked away until he was securely seated at his tiny dinner table.

You might think thats pretty bad, but it gets worse my friend. It gets worse! So I step up into this tiny little box and hand him his two large pizzas. He asked me numerous questions like, how much the pizza costs, did I work there all the time, if I was in school, etc. Then he finally says, "The reason I'm asking is that I need someone to take care of me because I can't walk."

Holy shit balls! You can't walk? Is that why you cannot be bothered to put on drawers? It's too much hassle to get up and down when you need to use the bathroom? Oh my gosh! No, what do I say? So I told him as nicely as I could, that I couldn't do that, but thanked him for asking.

Then, oh and then!!!! This is the kicker. After a 5 min long conversation with me he asks one last question, "Can I ask one more thing? Are you male or female?"

STOP THE TRUCK. What the f people? Am I male or female? LOL LOL LOL LOL I seriously wanted to laugh, but I told him, obviously...Female. You know, I would think the long hair, the boobs, the makeup, and the sound of my voice might have tipped him off, but no.

It was the weirdest experience ever! EVER! I mean, the entire time I was just knowing he was sitting like a few feet from me with no under drawers on. LOL. Ah...gotta love it.

Of course, I have a friend who loves this kind of stuff, and when I told him the guy didn't know if I was a girl or a guy, he just laughed and repeated the phrase, "that's great...that's great...that's great" over and over again.

Oh, and don't worry. I don't need anyone to tell me that I do infact look like a girl. I know this. I just think the entire story is brilliant.

Oh, and he was only going to give me a dollar tip, but then reached into his shirt pocket and pulled out another dollar and said, "Wow, lookie there...that was easy money, wasn't it?"

No sir, no it was not.

And that's my story people. Learn it, live it, love it!

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This is just the cutest thing! [17 Aug 2008|10:46am]
Watch This!
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The move in story [19 Jul 2008|11:56pm]
Okay, so I know I technically promised this yesterday, but oops. Forgot!

Basically this is the deal. Last Sunday I moved the rest of my stuff while returning my nephews to my brother. I was so emotionally, and physically, and mentally exhausted that I felt like it wouldn't matter what happened good or bad, my mood was going to stay the same, with no reaction except maybe a glance and then a shrug. Thankfully that ended once the children when back to their mother and I was able to put together a lovely computer desk and get connected with the internet via stealing wireless from some neighbor person.

Apparently the HOA here in the community gives you free wireless and free basic cable, but we don't have a wireless router, and I'm not sure how great my wireless thing is so it doesn't really pick up the signal well enough to use it, but some guy name "tater" has a signal just perfect for me to use. It could be faster but for the time being it works.

I still need a dresser and a tv stand, which means my clothes that don't get hung up are on the floor of my closet, but other than that I'm completely set up and ready for business.

I thought for sure I would be enjoying the time off and would want to not work until August, but that's proven to be a really horrible idea. I'm so BORED! I thought I was getting my commission check this Friday but it's not coming until next Friday so I'm completely broke. And to prove to you what I mean by broke, I have less than a quarter tank of gas, I have .92 cents in one of my accounts, and 1.58 in the other. And I have two dollars in my purse! WEEEE! Yay for no money!!!!! So I'm starting Domino's on Monday. I need to pay a bill ASAP and I need money for food, especially since Scott and Jackie leave tomorrow morning for a week vacation to TN with her family. There's enough food in the kitchen to last me 2 or 3 good days, but after that, I'm starving people, and we just can't have that.

So what have I been doing on these free days of mine? Well, let me tell you how productive I've been. The first few days I actually did things like clean, and organize, and straighten up. I haven't been able to pay Scott and Jackie the first months rent yet due to no commission check, and I want to let them know that I will contribue in other ways as well, even if money isn't always readily available, so I cleaned up their house, washed their clothes, folded, them...they were working crazy hours to gear up for their trip so they apprecaited it. I also cooked dinner one night for me and Jackie, and got us free pizza another night.

But, the most important thing I've done while here the past 6 days has been to watch The Office. I've known about the show for a while, and I knew I'd love it, I just never had time to sit down and start from the beginning, so since Jackie has every episode except for 2 on DVR I have been watching all day every day. And tonight, at approximately 11:47pm I watched this seasons finale. What a great show! I love it! I love it! I want to marry it!

Fave characters: Fave couple: Jim and Pam (love jim) Fave solo: Dwight and Kevin

Michael annoys the hell out of me and in the first season I wanted to kill him. GO into the tv and tell him off and punch him in the balls. He's less embarrassing and uncomfortable now, so it's more funny, but gosh he's such a douche. And somehow I still love him. Dwight though, I love him. When he is annoying, I love him more. Andy is a dill and I hate him. I hate Kelly she should die. Phillys is also a close second for faves and Angela is only good when she's with Dwight, other wise shes the devil.

I love this show!!!!

Well, I know that wasn't super interesting, but there you go. OH, and I saw Dark Knight last night and it was SO AMAZING. You know when someone or everyone starts talking up a person or movie it gets old and you're like whatever, it can't be that great...well this movie is that great. More specificially, Heath Ledger is that great. I teared up twice during the movie because of lines The Joker said that alluded to death, or forever living on...it made me think of the fact that of course, Heath Ledger is no longer here. It sucks that he's gone for so many reasons, but he did such an amazing job. Everyone should see the movie.

And well, thats all my loves!

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Settling in [18 Jul 2008|08:20am]
I promise I will make an entry today about moving in and all that jazz. But for now I'm going back to sleep!
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What What?! [08 Jul 2008|07:42am]
Okay it's 7:43 in the am and I tried so hard to sleep in but my stupid body is set on Staples time and it's going to take a bit of time to break out of it.

Anyway, this will be brief as I hope to lay back down and slumber a little longer, but the 4th was really good. Nothing like last years 4th which was the best vaca ever. But this one was pretty nice. The boys are more darling than ever, we got to have a pretty fun house party for my brother's 26th birthday, I was forced to do a keg stand and drink beer that I don't like, but I did it and it was fun! I'm currently dying to just make out with any cute boy available. And this is my last week here in Orlando before the final move.

Half of my stuff is already in Jax. My nephews are here this week, and I'm watching them part of today, then going to Phoenix (bar not city) to do the Karokee thing like I use to do with Mykah every Tuesday for ages. It will be my farewell time to that whole era in my life.

Then Wednesday I'm going to Tampa to hang out with Andrew and that should be a good time. Then Thursday and Friday the boys are coming to my apartment to help me throw away trash and pack up, while also swimming and watching movies. Oh the life of a child in summer!

Then Sunday it's time to say goodbye to all the fam...i....ly. MIC-KEY MOUSE! Bye Orlando!

I'm actually more nervous now than excited because I got to stay in my new room all weekend, and I can tell there might be some tense moments in my new arrangement, but we'll see how it goes. Nothing is permenant or final, but this is definitely a new chapter.

I'm going to try to see as many friends as possible before I leave. I def have to hang out with Jessica and Jamie before I leave, but I also promised Manuel (this guy from work) I'd take him to dinner for his birthday. So, I don't know how I'm going to juggle it all, but we'll see.

Okay, that's all for now. Love you all!!!!!
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Wow. [13 Apr 2008|11:06am]
Okay so I just read the past posts I've made over the last 3 months and it's like, "So yeah James isn't ignoring me." "So yeah, me and James aren't talking anymore." "So yeah, I texted James and now where talking again." "Oh, so just FYI James and I are done he doesn't have time for me."

And then I go and post what I just did. LINDSEY, get a FUCKING CLUE! Okay, this has to be over for real. I just have to end it.
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I feel like shit. [17 Mar 2008|08:22pm]
No. Worse than that.

And I'm trying to keep high spirits, but it's like, one minute I'm sweating. Then, I'm freazing and feel pukey. Then I feel okay for a minute and think, hmm, I could eat, so I eat something and then I feel like a huge ton of bricks has hit me and I go back to feeling like I'm going to barf, mixed with light headedness, and then cold. And UGH!!!!!

I so want to *watch out, major TMI* take a crap and then take a shower, but my roommate and her boyfriend are taking a shower right now (please let me vom over that too while I'm at it) so I have to wait while they finish their lovely flesh shower o' love before I can piss and shower. Nice.

Can I just fast forward to when I'm feeling good??? Pweese????
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I've got the sickness. [16 Mar 2008|12:27am]
I've got a cold. It's like that annoying tickle in your throat cold. Yeah, it sucks. So last night mom, dad, sister and her friend Doug and I went and had wings, and then Doug, Amy and I went bowling. That was a pretty good time although I suck at the game. I bowled a 98 and a 86. It reminded me of Brandon who I miss. Doug paid for the bowling which was nice. I jokingly said, "So what kind of favors am I going to have to preform for this," and he said, "Oh, only she (Amy) will have that pleasure." So that's sister!

Oh, and how about I am so freakin' retarded. In what I can only describe as a really really horrible drunkin stupor I text James...Pizza Hut James to tell him and I quote, "I know we aren't talking anymore but I just wanted to say that I still want to fuck you." Okay. Number one. I do not use the F word ever. Number two. No I do not ever want to F him. So why did I do this? And how about he texts me back in .025 nano seconds to tell me some bull about how he would love to do the same, but of course is working still everyday all day long, but should be done with all of that in a week or two so I told him to text me when he wasn't working non stop.

So, he texts me last night. How is that a week or two later. Of course its something nasty about his penis. Right. Thank you for all of that.

Anyway, I don't want to talk about nasty James. But I do want to talk about today. So this morning I had to wake up early and my dad and I went and picked up my grandpa, Louise and went to Palm Coast to meet up with my mom, sister and Scott, Jackie and the boys to celebrate grandpas 88th birthday. We ate at Perkins which was delish and it was so good to see Potticus. I miss my brother SO MUCH! Oh my gosh, I miss him. I cannot get over how badly I wish he was around more. Anyway, then me and Pappy took Grandpa and Lousie back home and I went back to my parents and chilled with the boys a little because my mom has them for the weekend.

I've been feeling so crappy lately so I left around 4 - 5 ish and came back to the aparment and washed some clothes and fell asleep around 6pm and slept until 11:30 which was so needed. I still feel like major SHIT! But I'm trying to watch a little SNL and finish up the laundry but I'm gonna go back to sleep and just take it easy tomorrow. I've got to cut carbs from my diet and excercise for 1 hour every day due to doctors orders from a health thing I don't really want to discuss, but it's moderately serious and could be majorly serious in another year if I don't do this, so it's a good thing because I'm basically being forced to do what I've been wanting to do for the past 10 years. I'm gonna finish eating the food in the house tomorrow which isn't much and then go shopping tomorrow and hopefully work out tomorrow and get this all started.

I'm even thinking of moving back to Fernandina Beach in with Scott and Jack over the summer becasue I need a change. I hate my job although it's paying the best of my life and I have nothing keeping me here. And like I said, I miss my brother. Plus Mykah doesn't need me anymore. He's got Steve and as long as I come visit once a month he'll be just fine! So things be a changin' for Lindsey and I think it's good things. Some bad shit is happening for some good things to come about, but isn't that how it usually how it works?

Okay, well, time to fold some clothes! Fun.
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Oh boy. [29 Feb 2008|07:35pm]
So update time. Well, Collin is completely out of the picture. He emailed me twice since the coffee meeting and his excuse for not emailing so soon was because he computer crashed at home and he's been working a lot. He then proceeded to tell me that one job he picked up was because one of his coworker has herpies (the ones with the sores on the lips) and he had to play tuba for him. And he actually told me "the ones with the sores" part and I'm like, unecessary! So no Collin which is fine, I wasn't attracted to him physically.

Then James...26. Apparently the night I'm so about to hookup with him for real, he tells Mykah's boyfriend something horrible that makes the boyfriend want to break up with Mykah and Mykah angry at James forever, so I will never see him again and no sex was had that night.

James, the one who's a sexual freak, we're still talking. I don't know why really but I like him. Maybe I'm just crazy but whatever, we'll see how it goes. He's the only one that actually wants a sexual and emotional relationship. Like, yes he wants my sweet goods, but he also wants to be my friend too and I like that.

I also broke down and posted another craigs list ad, this one with less attention. But I somehow hooked this 19 year old who is the cutest cool/dork you've ever seen. He's got that artsy cool yet dorky thing going on. It's awesome, but he just wants to hook up which is the only I can do with a 19 yr old. I couldn't actually date the child, but I'm not really into do that. So I don't know how to tell him. Maybe he'll just fade away and I won't have to.

Then Gavin. Saw DeGraw on Tuesday with my sister, bro and sister in law. He was amazing as always but how about as I'm leaving the front of the venue because I was overheating and couldn't take it anymore I see Andrew. Does everyone remember Andrew? Yeah, I don't know why I didn't think there was a possiblity he'd be there, but it completely threw me off guard. He was there with his brother and sister who is sadly now in a wheelchair. So I said hi to him and then talked to seester for a while. They had a crappy layout and nowhere for people to go if they were in a wheelchair and I thought that was unfair. I even tried talking to someone about it but they said that they already talked to her about why they couldn't do anything. I ended up drinking at the show which was STUPID and got sick. The heat made me nauseous so I had to spend part of the show outside, but at least I could still hear. After the show I was bummed because of seeing Andrew and being confused as to why I felt so sad...turns out I miss the fool. He was a good friend and we got a long really well I think, and you know, the stuff he'd say about girls that were overweight really hurt my feelings, but I should have told him and worked it out instead of telling him and then being like, Okay bye. I basically had a very stupid overreacting girl moment and then because I felt so stupid about it, couldn't say I was sorry then, and now 3 years have past and I don't think he cares to hear about any stupid apology. But you know, that's life I guess. I even emailed him to tell him I was sorry but I don't think I'll hear back from him. I hope though that either way, he realizes that I wasn't judging him, I just thought if I didn't have him around it would make me feel better about myself. And I was wrong. So...enough of that. On to the awesome Gavin stuff.

So there I was sad and sick and walking away from the Gavin concert feeling like, "Dude I love Gav...I want a hug." So as we're all walking away I see him being bombarded by girls on his way to the bus, and he needed to get on and go back into the venue to do signings and stuff, but of course no one cares and they kept asking for pictures and autographs. I felt bad about it but I reached my hand out and caught his and asked if I could just have a quick hug. And he says, "Okay, but I'm sweaty..." (I thought, "Like I give a shit,I love you!) "...it's nice to see you again!" WHAT? Stop the presses. Gavin DeGraw remembers me from all those years ago????? Holy piss my pants, shut the hell up! My brother who I adore and who is awesomely so retarded says, "Dude, I can't believe you remember my sister, that's so awesome!" While punching him in the arm.

After hearing the recognition, I ran to the street and laughed like a 5 year old, and then did a jig. And you know, the guy is delicious looking but I have a feeling if he didn't sing and play so amazingly I wouldn't care about him at all, but the way his sings....oh my god!

Plus he was so happy on stage. It was his first show in so long and you could tell he was so happy. He kept saying how happy he was and how he missed us. Aww, Gav.

So anyway, me and James have been texting back and forth all week, and he's working more lately becuase he's the General Manager at Pizza Hut and had to fire another manager for stealing money so spending time with him is going to be difficult. I've started wondering if it's even worth it because I'm not sure what he's thinking so I asked today where he thought things were going. He didn't really have a response of course, you don't ask guys that. So I was like, "I just want to know if all were gonna do is text back and forth for the next year, because I don't want us to be wasting our time." He said he didn't think we were wasting our time so we shall see.

This weekend I'm not the party girl. I've drank way to much the past few weekends and it's making me sick. So tonight I'm going to bed early, tomorrow gonna clean and go to Rock Springs with my baby Mykah and his crew, and Sunday maybe go see a movie. I'm looking forward to it all!

Hope everyone else is doing well out there. Love you all!!!!
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